


restart

by HysteriaGrows



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Cheating, M/M, Toxic Relationship, war kong wai inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 02:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4504440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HysteriaGrows/pseuds/HysteriaGrows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>big cities are best for getting lost in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	restart

it always starts with a mistake. a slip of the tongue, a misplaced dish or foot. kyungsoo and chanyeol have lived together for three years, and the same thing has happened too many times to count. the mistake will usually be a trivial matter, like forgetting to lock the door, and kyungsoo will point it out to chanyeol in passing conversations. chanyeol will start leaving the door unlocked everyday, especially at night, when he goes off into the buzzing club scene of the area they live for the moment being. this leads to a fight, make up sex, and the same few words repeated after.

today is no different.

chanyeol slams the door when he leaves, 11pm, and kyungsoo presses his ear to the wood to listen for receding footsteps, before locking the door. a sigh escapes his lips as he shuffles to their tattered purple loveseat, the one item they kept from bouncing place to place. the sofa has seen more stars than they have, strapped to the top of their car, barely kept together. chanyeol always hated excess things to carry, while kyungsoo wanted at least one piece of furniture to call their own.

to will himself to stop thinking about the whereabouts of his lover, he picks up a book, focusing on the novel and letting the fictional characters fill his head. somewhere between the words "the" and "present", kyungsoo falls asleep, dreamless.

a rustling noise wakes him, the creaking of floorboards, the fridge opening, closing, a metallic pop, a long gulp, more creaking, and a door closes, presumably to their bedroom. kyungsoo blearily peels his eyes open to see his own socked feet, the book shut and placed neatly beside him. skin peeks out of a fraying hole when he wiggles his toe and he makes a mental reminder to get a new pair later. the door squeaks open, and a deep voice comes out.

"aren't you sleeping?"

kyungsoo has always loved chanyeol's voice. it sounds like thunder right before lightning strikes, loud and consistent. right now, it doesn’t sound like thunder. his vocal cords sound rusty, almost like when he left his brand new bike out when he was thirteen and it rained that night, turning the shiny chains brown and flaky.

his gaze falls on the dark figure in the doorway, eyelids heavy. "i slept while you were gone. let's talk."

the lamp flickers once before it turns on, illuminating the entire room with yellow light. now kyungsoo can see clearly, and he scans chanyeol's disheveled appearance. his dark hair is sticking up, like someone ran their fingers through it and he didn't bother to fix it. a loose white shirt hangs off his lanky frame, one sleeve sliding off his shoulder, revealing a hickey on his clavicle. kyungsoo closes his eyes and begins to count.

_10..._

"okay then, say something. are you mad?" the worn fabric seat dips next to him as he sits, and he stretches, leaving one arm slung limp over kyungsoo's shoulders and the other on the armrest. his head tilts back to look at the ceiling. it looks like he's thinking about what to have for breakfast.

"get your arm off of me." chanyeol doesn't move, so kyungsoo attempts to shove it away. the arm stays firmly around kyungsoo, making him sweat. his body shakes with laughter. "don't be so touchy, soo. lighten up."

if chanyeol weren’t such an asshole, kyungsoo thinks they would’ve been okay. instead of a shitty rental apartment, they might’ve been living in a house with their own furniture in it, with their own daughter or son. if kyungsoo stopped letting chanyeol back into his life and shut him out, he could be happy with someone that doesn’t lie to his face with a teeth-baring grin.

kyungsoo doesn't say this. he clenches his fists and hold back the torrent of words threatening to spill out.

"okay," he says, slowly, putting his head into his hands, "where did you go tonight?"

chanyeol laughs and kyungsoo can picture all his brilliantly white teeth flashing at him so easily.

_9..._

two years ago, that smile would’ve made him weak in the knees. kyungsoo lived to see that smile directed at him, his heart thumping to an offbeat song he used to call love whenever he laughed. that was two years ago. the sight of his smile now makes kyungsoo want to vomit, sometimes.

"here and there, around." the problem with chanyeol is that he’s always so vague, always skirting around the truth. of course, there are many problems with him, more than he can count, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. 

"did anything happen?" kyungsoo is cautious with his words, saying each one as a carefully placed step.

"i went out and had a few drinks with a friend." kyungsoo lifts his head and stares, wondering if the fact that chanyeol was with another person moments ago makes him repulsed. the insides of his stomach twist, but then again, that might be the result of not eating for the entire day.

the clock reads 4am. kyungsoo squints to see the time, and chanyeol says it for him. "you should get better glasses."

_8..._

"i'll do that when i get a better boyfriend."

chanyeol puts up his hands defensively. "sorry, okay? i didn't mean to come home so late. i got a little too drunk and i just wanted to sober up before i came home. is that a crime?"

kyungsoo would roll his eyes right out of his head if he could. "bullshit, chanyeol. do you honestly think i don't know what you do when you go out?"

"what do i do?" chanyeol's expression is challenging. it's saying, _tell me if you can. you never do._

_7..._

there is silence for only so long before the sounds of the world intrude their personal bubble. cicadas sing from the window, their steady buzz filling up the gaps and cracks in the walls, the lamp flickers again and it's loud in his head. the room is so warm. when they pull their knees apart from each other, the spot with be damp to the touch. 

today, kyungsoo feels brave. he feels different, like this time, if he pushes hard enough, he'll finally win the mental warfare they’re battling.

"you sleep with other people. you open them up like you opened me and then you fuck them. is it fun? do you like going to them and then coming back to me to do the same?"

 _swig. gulp gulp gulp._ chanyeol licks his lips. they're chapped, and slightly swollen.

6...

he continues when he's met with an encouraging look instead of a reply. "you don't even try to hide it, you fucking asshole, you just come home looking like a mess, and i have to look at you like that. do you have any dignity? why do you let me see you like this?"

there’s a pause. his smile slips away and bitterness takes it’s place. "you never try to keep me from leaving."

 _asshole. you blame everything on me_.

_5..._

when the fights first started, kyungsoo did everything he could to stop him. he begged on his knees, with hot tears streaming down his face, pulling on chanyeol's arm. he apologized until his tongue twisted and he forgot what for, repeating it over and over again until he was shaken away and the door slammed shut. the cement would beat his knees raw, crawling on the sidewalk, screaming chanyeol’s name only to watch him disappear into a taxi.

before, he looked for him through every bar downtown, every alley, only to find him disappear again into someone else's arms. that is when he stopped trying. all he could do was hold his breath and sink into the loveseat, sink his fingers into the armrest, let his heart sink with every thud and read.

"i used to. it didn't work. how am i supposed to stop someone that wants to go?" rough fingers skim the underside of kyungsoo's wrist and he holds him, loosely, bringing the pale skin to his nose and... inhale. exhale. his mind slips away for a second and a mirage of love appears, saying that this small gesture means he's sorry and he'll never leave again.

"i always come back, don't i?"

_4..._

he blinks. "what are you doing?"

"memorizing how you smell. this might be the last time you'll let me do this."

this is a game of push and pull. chanyeol is relentless in this game. they've played it too much, and chanyeol has always won. kyungsoo is sad. and disappointed. they've only lived here for a month. he thought this could be their place, that they could finally settle on the busy streets of tokyo. but kyungsoo is soft, like putty, and so easy to mold. if chanyeol is relentless, he is relenting. his eyes slip close and he leans into the touch.

_3..._

there are streets and highways in kyungsoo’s throbbing veins, and he begins to trace them with his lips, mapping cities with his tongue. wherever they go, it's always somewhere easy to get lost in. this is no different. soon, everything is forgotten.

it's easy to get lost in a big city.

_2..._

they find themselves in bed, underneath the sheets in the humidity of summer. the sun is rising, slowly but surely. a new day is coming, and kyungsoo knows they'll end up in a new place. it's always been simple packing, so his mind is at ease. just a loveseat and the clothes on their backs.

"kyungsoo," chanyeol whispers into the curve of his neck, "you're being so good for me."

"kyungsoo, i love you."

"kyungsoo, i'm sorry."

_1..._

"kyungsoo, let's start over."

**Author's Note:**

> after watching war kong wai's better together, i couldn't get the main couple out of my mind! so this is basically a way to release all of my feelings after watching such a beautiful movie. i tried to write it in a specific way, to give off that war kong wai-esque feeling but i'm not sure if it came across. if you haven't already, i highly recommend the movie! warning though, the beginning scene is very sexually graphic but nothing else like that is in the movie. anyway, i always seem to write really angsty stories now, so i might try something fluffier next time. oh well. ty for reading!!


End file.
